I used to care about some things, the echoes of some shadows, whether it was the evening breeze that would immediately seep into the space between my eyebrows, or the gentle and murmuring flow that I was accustomed to in my heart. It often felt extremely sensitive and saw things very clearly. Of course, it was inevitable to think and ponder about it. I think I can be considered a romantic person, at least I really like romance, and I also think that romance really likes me. Otherwise, why would I have such thoughts? Many of the things I see are very clear, but I deliberately treat the artificial smile in front of me as unintentional tenderness. This has nothing to do with foolishness.
Sometimes, whether it's between my eyebrows or in my heart, it's not a bad thing to have some vague illusions. I dare not claim to be very wise, but often, happiness requires a little cleverness. The same goes for romance. The more I understand that the days are plain, even somewhat dull, the more I appreciate the slightly more complicated patterns.
Even though I don't want to say it like this, it is indeed the case. Sometimes it is necessary to be clear, and sometimes it is normal. Many deep hopes and expectations in my heart rarely have echoes. The more I pray, the more I hope, some things, some shadows, often turn out to be unsatisfactory. As for gains and losses, it is better to ask the bright moon. She also has no good strategy. And for such things that are difficult to say, it is even more difficult to say that they are in vain. It is natural to think with a submissive mind, and it is also very wonderful. But if it is so detached, it still seems a bit more distant, clear and bright, and bright and intelligent. But at this moment, it still cannot be as ordinary as dust. It is better to seek the next best thing. Sometimes intentionally creating some romantic and beautiful thoughts can bring a moment of joy, which is also a kind of happiness.
Thinking like this is not about compromise or sinking. I feel it is a kind of insight. I think no matter what, we will eventually face it, and even though facing it is a common thing, and even though most of the time it is inevitable, it is necessary to have more and deeper hopes and expectations.
Intentionally or unintentionally, I have lost a lot, as if such a condensed romance and poetic expectation has turned into a luxury spiritual item, but there are still many left.
Don't think like I used to, whether it's infatuation or confusion, holding onto the idea of being together forever, and being immersed in the faint shadows of the moon and snow, but after a long time, not even a trace of evening breeze can be seen. Then I just brush my sleeves and leave, and the more I think about it later, the more difficult it is to forget.
Regarding contemplation, there is no need to force it with wishful thinking. If it is so easy, it will unconsciously become more intoxicated and immersed in the tenderness. In Mr. Zhu's words, deep sleep is very good, but a nap also has its own charm. What I am fond of, what I love, to put it bluntly, is you, and more importantly, it is me who is infatuated with you. This unique thought in my heart is naturally my love for you. When I unintentionally write a poem for you or cook a bowl of porridge, I have fulfilled my deep affection and perfected my beloved. Whether you like it or not, whether you are happy or not, that is your own thoughts and feelings. I think of you, which has nothing to do with you. I think about you, which is due to my own reasons. It may suddenly bloom or slowly open.
Since this is the case, why should I worry so much about the echoes? I think of Mr. Yi Shan's words at that time, "Longing for each other is useless, but it's not wrong to feel melancholy." Sometimes, caring too much is a bit vulgar.
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The original link is https://nishikori.tech/posts/prose/2020-05-28