But it's not that I deliberately want to do it. This is probably an unnecessary digression. I never feel tired of it. It's not about how it happened, but it's just that my heart is difficult to bear. There is no need to say anymore about how the heart is carrying this fate and destiny. At this moment, I don't need to think about how to go along with it. Even though my heart still involuntarily wants to ponder deeply. Gradually, I understand that it often unintentionally brings up encounters and separations that are hard to escape. Gatherings and dispersals, they are just ordinary shadows in this green land. The more I see and experience, the more ordinary it becomes.
In general, I have come to understand, and there is no need to be as before. If I continue to do so, it may seem pretentious, like trying to "force sadness into new words." I do have some regrets. I often think about writing something every day, whether it's prose or poetry. However, I have never experienced the kind of indescribable emotions that I think about writing. I only think about writing effortlessly, seeing neat words and sentences that are worth reading. But when I encounter the same emotions that I have written about before, I want to write again, but I don't know where to start or how to express it. I think that even if I use ordinary and even more ordinary words, it is still difficult to convey the same feeling.
I just want to say that no matter how I look at it or think about it, even if it is a unique talent, it is still appropriate to talk about parting and abandonment lightly.
Often, I can't help but indulge in thoughts. Whether it is intentional or unintentional, it may just be a glimpse of the outline, quietly leaving, and hurriedly parting. It is difficult to let it disappear completely. Even if I fantasize romantically, it is still just a dream.
It's just that people are always like this. If they only encounter it, they are usually not good at cherishing it, let alone treasuring it. They always make it seem like a waste and a loss, a feeling of regret and sorrow that is difficult to express. Seeing the person in front of me, it is no longer as calm as the spring light, nor as dim as a dream.
Whether it is advising others or explaining to myself, the reason for saying this is becoming clearer and clearer. This "person in front of me" that I can touch, how warm and lasting it is. It can be considered an enlightenment. How elusive are those old friends, like a reflection in the water or a flower in the mirror, so far away.
But often, most of the emotions are clear about this, but they still make the words of sorrow and poetry in this world countless. Thinking about it, after saying it all, what remains is "it's better not to." In addition to these thoughts, there is no other reason.
Little did I know that parting is just like this.
I never realized that there is such a difference between the current pair of eyebrows and eyes and the previous shadow. Perhaps because I understand it now, when I encounter this moment, I realize that these current pair of eyebrows and eyes are a gift from fate. When these current pair of eyebrows and eyes occasionally become dim, I can't help but think of how bright the previous shadow was, and thus I lightly part with these current pair of eyebrows and eyes.
There is no need to think about how to say it anymore. It is difficult to express. In general, there is no need to ponder anymore.
Thinking about the past, it brings to mind the phrase from the great poet Yuan Xianxian, "The mountains and rivers are empty in my mind, and the falling flowers are even more heartbreaking in the wind and rain. It's better to cherish the person in front of you." At that time, I still had some thoughts about the polished words and sentences. But now, perhaps I finally understand when Mr. Xianxian put pen to paper, how deep and constant his cherished feelings were.
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The original link is https://nishikori.tech/posts/prose/2021-11-02